Overall Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

“I needed help. We needed help, and we needed it fast.”

Every now and then I get the urge to jump into a non-fiction read, and this time it was an eye-opening and heartbreaking memoir about the struggles (and the rewards) of parenting, fostering and adopting, and just how one certain experience brought such heartache and mental battles to a loving, kind and caring family. An insightful read that will have you wanting to hold your loved ones close. So happy to be sharing my review of Shattered!

T.W. sexual abuse, physical abuse, self harm, suicide, rape, death.

About the book

With the trajectory of today’s society, we can all agree that parenting is difficult. Choosing to foster and adopt proves to not be an easy feat. Parents are in constant competition with societal influences and sometimes feel it’s an uphill battle. These same parents are often told they will be supported in the rearing of their children and that adequate resources would be made available. But what happens when you discover the system that promised to help you, would betray you? What happens when you decide to enter into another realm of difficulty – fostering and adopting children who come with mental and physical baggage?

Meet Jenell Jones, an adoptive mother who is still trying to find the answers to these questions. In these pages, you will see through a mother’s eyes as she shares her deepest pain for her daughter, “Mercy.” In the end, justice is necessary and peace is questionable.

The beginning

Getting acquainted with Jenell and her family dynamic felt like one of the easiest things in the world. Not only do the author’s words make you feel like you are in her presence, but how she pens her relationships with others gave me such a clear vision of the kind of person she is; down-to-earth, generous and incredibly kind. Learning of Little Nikki, a girl who was in need of a permanent home, was all we needed to see Jenell and her family’s kindness first hand. Jenell has a big family with her own biological children and adopted children, so when the opportunity arose for Little Nikki to be a permanent part of their family, it felt as though it was meant to be. This family’s home seemed like the most loving and comfortable space, and Jenell and her partner were certainly no stranger to the adoption process. Straight away, we get to know the complexities of the foster system and the heartbreaking scenarios some of these children find themselves in.

“What happens when what you thought was a missing part of your story, your life, begins to change into someone or something you do not recognize?”

When we learn of Little Nikki’s separation from her brother and just how this separation affected both of these children, something stirred within me and brought such sadness and heartache. No child should ever have to go through something so traumatic. I’m so close to my own sister, and have been forever, so just the thought of being separated as children is something so heartbreaking and something I don’t think I’d ever be able to get over. Those poor children. With what we already learned about Jenell and her family, Little Nikki (soon to be renamed as Mercy) would soon have the best and most loving family, and hopefully one that would make up for years and years in and out of different homes. But as we all know, nothing good comes easy. That’s really where Jenell’s journey starts

The middle

Jenell gets us acquainted with numerous different children living under her care, and it really was eye-opening seeing how the family tackle everything from unacceptable behaviour to learning difficulties. It was so heartwarming to read how the older children in the household step up to be the role models these younger children need. I’d be so proud of their upbringing, as I’m sure Jenell is! But as we learn more about Mercy and what happened in her past, I was so saddened, so heartbroken, so angry that she had to go through all this, and as a child too. It must be so difficult to hear that as a parent. Jenell shows us just how challenging it can be to adopt when you just don’t know what has happened in a child’s life previously, but she also shows us just how immensely rewarding it can be too.

“I was scared, hopeless and nervous. Parenting Mercy was like walking on eggshells.”

The stories Jenell shares with us about just how extreme Mercy’s behaviour became had me tearing up. Not only for Jenell and her family, those who love Mercy and care for her, but also for Mercy herself. Can you just imagine the traumatic experiences this child had to suffer for her to act in such ways? The book touches upon depression as a result of this behaviour, and to add to all the pain, Mercy’s school wanted to expell her – yet the introduction of COVID prevented this when children began to learn from home. So many aspects of Mercy’s life were impacted; relationships with others, her education, her mental health. I found myself hoping and praying her family could find a way to navigate all this. To be able to find a solution that was effective and suited the whole family. When Mercy has thoughts of suicide and begins to hear voices, we see just how serious and dangerous her condition was. It was heartbreaking to read.

The end

Mercy’s treatments are extreme, and it seemed the longer she was kept away, the worse her conditions became. I really felt for Jenell; writing the words would have brought all this back to her and remind her of the hardest time of her life. But I also felt it was such a brave thing to share with the world, to make people aware of and understand the complexities of this system. Mercy’s therapy fluctuates, and it’s here where we see cracks in the state and see just what sort of crucial information about Mercy’s past was held from Jenell, even though she had adopted Mercy. It was horrific, shocking and completely unacceptable. Hospitals were letting her down, claiming everything was fine, even though it was far from it. They were covering up and underreporting in a bid to get rid of her from their care. I found it all disgusting.

“I wanted to show her that I hadn’t given up on her. I was going to fight for her till the end.”

I couldn’t believe what I read as the book rounded to a close. Incompetent staff members are not people you’d expect to be taking care of vulnerable children, yet at Mercy’s facility, this is what she got. There were numerous serious incidents and Mercy’s behaviour only got worse. It’s only because of Jenell’s perseverance, motivation, strength and love that finally gets Mercy in a long term facility, where she still resides to this day. The fact that Mercy is finally getting the treatment and the care she needs after trying for such a long time brought me so much hope after Jenell and her family have gone through so much. I ended the book feeling a little lighter, despite knowing Mercy is not quite there yet. But I have so much faith and confidence that she will make it with the right people around her.

Jenell has set up a Go Fund Me page for anyone wishing to make a contribution to Mercy’s ongoing medical expenses.

Overall thoughts

Shattered is a thought provoking, raw and emotional journey of one mother’s battle to save her child. Jenell takes us through the journey of adopting her daughter, showing the lack of support from the system, the struggles of getting her the help and treatment she needs. It’s a shocking read, the experiences Jenell and her family go through had me speechless and filled me with disbelief and anger. But it was also a journey of hope and resilience, of justice. It’s powerful, engaging and heartwrenching. I’d recommend it if you’re looking for a memoir, but be mindful of the trigger warnings. It can be upsetting!

Shattered by Jenell Jones is out right now! You can grab your own copy from Amazon. Make sure you’re following the author over on Instagram for more updates.

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