Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

“I’m being held in this safe space he created with his compassion and understanding – this space where I can be myself, even when I desperately want to be someone else.”

Cortney Raymond is a completely new author on my radar, so I was taken aback by how powerful and emotional this book was! The Meaning of Okay follows Kennedy’s journey of rediscovering herself after sexual assault, and how meeting Rhys changes her life. Prepare for an emotional read! So happy to be sharing my review for this book!

T.W. Sexual assault, rape

About the book

The struggle is real.

Kennedy Ellis puts up a good front, but she’s definitely not okay. Years after suffering sexual assault, Kennedy’s trauma still manifests itself in relentless nightmares and dizzying anguish. She deals with it all by furiously burying her secrets and shame and avoiding intimacy of any kind.

Rhys Curran moved to Texas to refocus on his career and start a new life not soured by his past. Soon after he meets Kennedy, his open mind and big heart unravel her ability to distance herself. As their friendship evolves, Kennedy’s secrets begin to surface and she’s forced to face each one. Will she ever be able to overcome her past—and will Rhys stick around if he finds out the truth beyond her story?

The beginning

The start of this book was really tough to stomach and I’m so glad I read Amazon’s description first to see the trigger warning. Of course, scenes of sexual assault are going to be traumatic for anyone to read, but it was powerful. The prologue sets the scene of Kennedy’s traumatic past, what she had to deal with. And my heart ached for her. Throughout the start of the book, we see how what happened in her past still affects her years later, even though she does her best to try and hide it. She’s getting on with her life, but there are times where those horrific thoughts come back to haunt her. The book is split into two perspectives; Kennedy and Rhys, a new guy in town. Rhys has his own issues, namely an unfaithful ex-girlfriend, but he was a fun character to follow. And when mutual friend, Dillon, introduces them both, I had a good feeling. They get on well and it would be interesting to see if Kennedy’s feelings would match those of Rhys – he’s interested straight away. I felt there were some overall pacing issues so far, but even so, I still kept up and enjoyed what I read.

“I wake up trembling, bury my head in my hands, and weep. I’m rendered impotent and inconsolable just by a dream. A dream that weakened me just like in real life.”

I loved joining Kennedy and Rhys as they get to know each other, first in a professional capacity at work (as Rhys joins Dillon’s team) and also as they build up a friendship. Kennedy was a strong woman, and I suppose her past has forced her to be that way. But her perspective was so refreshing to read. She’s curious about Rhys, but she doesn’t force anything. She lets the friendship develop, and it seems Rhys also respected her enough to give her space. That’s not to say they don’t enjoy each other’s company. They just don’t say it to each other just yet! The author writes character relationships so well, and it was always a pleasure to see how they interacted with each other, to hear their stories and experiences. After a group trip away on the tenth anniversary of what happened to Kennedy, they’re brought closer, their bond, their connection getting stronger with each moment they spend together. Kennedy has dreams and nightmares linked to her past, and I just wanted to reach into the pages to give her a hug and tell her that none of this was her fault.

The middle

Kennedy’s vulnerability after her nightmares was brilliantly written. Rhys is alerted to one of them and instictively wants to protect her. Even though, at first, Kennedy isn’t ready to share her past with him, it was good to know that he was there whenever she needed a crutch. She eventually gets to the point where she is ready to open up to him, where she’s sure she can trust him. She reveals the deepest, darkest parts of herself. Even though it was incredibly saddening hearing about everything she’s been through, everything she had to put up with in her life, the way she felt she could share it with Rhys was such a beautiful thing to experience. The author really has nailed these scenes! I continued to love how Rhys respects Kennedy enough not to cross any boundaries, even when they tell each other how they feel about one another. There should certainly be more men like Rhys in the world! 👏 I also thought the author had written Kennedy and Dillion’s friendship perfectly too, showing just how men and women can be friends and have great, fun relationships.

“I know it wasn’t jealousy, and he wasn’t trying to claim me. He was seeing if I was okay because, somehow, he knew I wasn’t. Somewhere along the way I started trusting him, and I like the way it feels.”

Kennedy’s pillars of support in the form of her best friends, including Rhys, felt so special. How lucky she is to have such brilliant people around her, those who understand what she needs and are constantly giving her life advice, ways she can potentially deal with her trauma, as well as make steps to overcome it. There are so many great scenes of deep and meaningful conversations, especially between Kennedy and Rhys. Rhys tries hard to explain why she should give a new relationship a go, no matter how slowly they take it, and I loved how we really get inside Kennedy’s head, to see how she feels about all this newness surrounding her. We can feel her curiosity about her new relationship. We can tell she wants, more than anything, to get over her issues and to be loved. But it feels impossible for her. After much encouragement from her friends, she makes the effort to really talk to Rhys, and together, they formulate their own plan to have a unique relationship. It was refreshingly beautiful to read and I felt so hopeful for their future. Could they really make things work?

The end

Rhys has a new job opportunity and not only does he and Kennedy celebrate this career milestone, they also celebrate a new milestone with in their relationship (if you know what I mean 😏) They take things a step further, and I felt so proud of Kennedy for going through with such a huge step, and she enjoys it! However, there are hints to the reader that there is something she’s keeping to herself, a specific detail about what happened to her that Rhys doesn’t know about. Kennedy’s growth from the start of the book was inspiring, and I knew she’d find the courage and strength to tell Rhys what she’s been hiding away. But as soon as I had these thoughts, things go backwards (as they do at this crucial point in a book like this one!) I knew Rhys would stand by her and support her with whatever it was, but she ends up pushing him away. I felt like screaming, to tell her that Rhys is her ticket out of all her unhappiness. I just hope she could see this in time before she pushed him so far that he wouldn’t come back.

“… ‘you are everything I’ve been running from and yet the only thing I can’t stop running to.’ And I can’t tell if it’s to protect Kennedy, heal myself, or both.“

The more advice Kennedy gets from her friends, the more I loved them. They were such brilliant characters consistently, from start to finish. Everyone deserves friends like Dillon and Erin! And just how they make her see sense when she’s a confused mess, how they gently encourage her and give her a push in the right direction when it comes to Rhys and fixing their relationship, was everything I needed to read. I already have this mindset in life anyway, but the book really encourages the fact that life is too short not to be happy, to push away the good parts of life. After not really being close with her parents, Kennedy takes the first step in rebuilding that bridge, to open up to them about how she feels. Even a scene consisting of a simple phone call had me feeling so emotional. She’s already planning her steps to recovery, even eager to make amends with Rhys. And the ending was so beautifully uplifting! The whole journey this book took me on made me feel a sense of gratitude for the people I have around me, a book I’d happily recommend to lovers of romance and women’s fiction!

Overall thoughts

The Meaning of Okay is a powerful, emotionally charged story of strength, recovery and healing after a traumatic event. It’s about the importance of friendship and having the right support network. And it’s also the story of rediscovery, of change, of taking a chance on love. The dual narrative in this book works really well, and the perspectives of Kennedy and Rhys perfectly portray the battles sexual assault victims (and those around them) may face when attempting new relationships. The author writes emotion so brilliantly that you can’t help but feel it all too, and I felt so protective of Kennedy after we learn of so many horrors in her past. Aside from some pacing issues and it being such a heavy read at times, it’s certainly a book that will stick with me. Heartbreaking, hopeful and real.

You can grab your own copy of The Meaning of Okay right now on Amazon! Make sure you’re following the author over on Instagram for more updates.

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