Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

“Life and death are only a dice throw apart…”

As soon as I heard about this book being a dice-based decision thriller, I knew it would be the book I needed in my life, and I was not disappointed! It’s such a chilling, addictive read that explores fate, the choices we make, and the impact every decision can have. I’m gutted it’s over, to be honest! If this intrigues you to the max like it did with me, and you need a new kind of dark thriller in your life, this is the one. I’m so happy to be sharing my review of Die Trying by Eleanor Barker-White!

About the book

When Jemma leaves husband Adam for another man, his world shatters. Desperate to regain control, Adam turns to the glass die he once used to make every decision.

Meanwhile, Jemma’s lost her sense of self. Every choice she makes is tempting her to risk everything to find her spark again.

At first, it’s just a game. Adam’s die becomes the centrepiece of a wellness podcast he starts with an old friend. But when interest spreads online and others are drawn into its dangerous orbit, Adam’s obsession takes a darker turn.

As his painful past threatens to overturn the present, Adam loses his grip on reality and one final roll could decide everything – life, death, or the illusion of choice itself…

The beginning

I knew straight away that this would be the kind of book I’d get lost in, the kind where hours pass by without you even realising, the kind you just want to read all the bloody time. And I was obsessed from the start! We meet Adam and Jemma, a couple with a failing marriage. Jemma has been having an affair and when she finally leaves Adam, his world begins to crumble. He frantically tries to hold on to what they had, analysing the things that may have gone wrong, to try and glue the pieces of their little family back together, but no dice. (See what I did there? 🎲😂) These characters are cleverly fleshed out and explored so early on, and I just adored their development. We learn more about Adam’s upbringing and there are hints about a dark, mysterious past. And also about an old glass die he’d kept from his college days. This die seemed to bring him fear, evoking dark memories he was keen to keep locked away. But there was definitely a pull towards it as soon as his son, Toby, finds it amongst Adam’s things. He is tempted by it again. And I just had to know why it was so significant.

“It’s impossible to see what we set in motion through seemingly random choices. Perhaps everything unfolds exactly as it’s supposed to.”

I loved switching to Jemma’s POV after every few chapters. Hearing about their marriage from this angle had me thinking about their relationship in a whole new light. Was Adam slightly obsessed with fixing something that couldn’t be fixed? She’s happy when he reaches out to his old friend, Will. Happy that Adam is doing things for himself, having fun, getting new hobbies. Especially when they start a podcast together, all about the good old days of using a die to make every decision. But they omit the fact their little game got out of control. That things went too far… We’re drip fed little hints and clues as to what happened all those years ago, and I loved the potential for how the podcast could build up the story and help us learn about the past, but to also drive the story forwards by the pair starting up their old decision-making game after every new episode. Things felt constantly exciting and intriguing, and there was always a brilliant sense of curiosity laced through the author’s words about the relevance and the power of this glass die. It was something to be feared, and I felt it.

The middle

The die begins to get used more and more often in Adam’s life. From the small, mundane decisions of everyday life, such as deciding what to wear to work, to the darker decisions like should he mow down his wife’s lover with his car? The die felt like its very own character at this point and I was completely obsessed. We see Adam slowly lose his sense of self, whereas Jemma seems to be finally gaining hers again. The die was slowly taking over his life, as it once had all those years ago. He comes close to jumping from a height, admitting the truth, taking a life. Just how much more could he take? Did he have anything left to lose? It was quite sad at times seeing how his life was changing, and not for the better. The die makes him resign from his job, confront his wife, think up a whole new plan to kill Dan Bretti. But as time went on, I started to think Jemma leaving Adam for Dan was the best thing for everyone. The end of part one was a shock and the book definitely began to pick up the pace. I was fully hooked and I needed to read on just as much as I needed air to breathe. Is that a bit extreme? 😂

“The die is in my jacket pocket, and I draw it free. Yes. Yes. It talks to me like this sometimes, urging me to roll. What we want and what we need often turn out to be completely different things, and often it’s hard to tell one from the other until we roll the die.”

I loved the podcast episodes that finally come to light after Adam suffers a health scare. Diecast (the perfect name for the podcast, imo) is the perfect distraction from everything going on in his life, and he even starts to think differently. More positively. So why could I sense something was about to go horribly wrong? The aims for the podcast were to help reduce decision fatigue, to promote healthy masculinity, to encourage people to take risks, to build a community, and the feedback from what they were doing was very positive. But an element of it all was about facing fears, truths. So why was the topic of Abbie, a girl who tragically lost her life as the result of a die roll all those years ago, just not being mentioned? Adam wants to talk about her, but Will? I wasn’t so sure. I had so many questions about this time in their lives, what exactly led to her death, how it happened, why Adam and Will had lost contact for so many years. I sensed a much darker explanation and I was so ready to hear it! The build up to all this was fantastic, my mind constantly going over what happened and what we could potentially see in that ending!

The end

The success of the podcast flips. The positive reaction from the public turns negative after an event goes wrong and I could feel the toxicity. It was something they hadn’t planned for, and it was bad. It even negatively impacts those around Adam and Will in more ways than one, one consequence linked so cleverly with another. I also saw similarities to Abbie’s disappearance all those years ago, again, all because of the die. They needed to put a stop to all this. To keep all their dice out of reach, stored away, thrown out, anything. The plot spirals, Adam lands himself in a whole new mess and I genuinely could not stop reading. There was a dark, chilling feel to the plot at this point, with Adam losing his grip on reality, on what matters. There’s chaos in both character perspectives, the kind of chaos that makes you forget about everything completely because you are so engrossed. This book did not go in the direction I expected it to take at all. It’s perfectly executed, full of drama, the unveiling of secrets from years in the past, all intertwining in such a satisfying way.

“What was it all for? A reason, a season or a lifetime, Jemma said. Everything teaches us something. Nobody collides at random, Adam.”

The die had caused so much trauma for so many people in different ways, and Adam was convinced it had directed fate. But this also felt like it was something us as readers were left to decide. Aside from all the bad, the horror that had unfolded, there was also some good to come out of everything. Justice. New beginnings. Hope for the future. There was so much to take in as the story comes to a close. It made me think of fate in general, if it exists, how much input we have in the course of our lives, the paths we take and where they lead us. Whether everything in life unfolds exactly as it’s meant to. I found the ending to be quite chilling, and I really wanted to read more of this kind of book as soon as I’d finished that last page! I found this whole book so fascinating and such a brilliant concept. I really want to try reading The Dice Man as referenced in the book with a similar plot. There is just something about dice-based decisions that exudes spontaneity and makes things super exciting. If you have any other recs for books like this, I would love to hear about them!

Overall thoughts

Die Trying is the kind of book that takes over your every waking thought. Can you imagine basing every decision you make on the roll of a die? When Adam’s wife leaves him for another man, his world crumbles. He tries as hard as he can to grasp onto what is left of his family, but it all seems to be slipping through his fingers. So he turns to the one thing he can think of to restore calm and order to his life; a glass die he once used to make every decision for him. And the constant urge to roll returns.

He reconnects with an old friend, sets up a wellness podcast where the die plays a huge part, building a positive community, helping to reduce decision fatigue and promoting positive masculinity. But things take a much darker turn. Life spirals, and the horrors of his past return to the surface. It’s a story of obsession, an out-of-control urge to fix what’s broken, about taking risks, sometimes with horrific consequences. The dual POV works so incredibly well in weaving together different points of view and different time frames, everything so flawlessly and cleverly interlinking. I was constantly impressed by the depth of it all. The excitement I got from every new die roll, not knowing which way Adam’s life could turn kept me gripped from start to finish. It’s a hugely satisfying story and really makes you think about fate and the impact each decision we make has on our lives, as well as the lives of those around us. A fantastic read; haunting, compelling and so thought-provoking!

Huge thanks to the author, Eleanor Barker-White, and the team at HarperNorth for my proof copy! You can pre-order your copy of Die Trying right now on Amazon or wherever you buy your books, or grab it when it releases on 26th March! Make sure you’re following Eleanor on Instagram for more updates.

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